Daddy's Last Day on Adoptive Parent Leave

It has been an overwhelmingly emotional experience. Two years ago Amy and I finally gave up on the doctors and decided to adopt. It was a very exciting decision for me. I always felt it was my responsibility to offer back for all of the gifts I received in my life ( a wonderful wife, an amazing family, and the best of friends.) But I always thought I would have a baby with my own eyes and the opportunity to adopt would never present itself. Yes, right now is a time of reflection my month off of work is ending. I am going to have to leave my daughter and wife every morning. It would be an easy decision to never work again.

The process was long and emotionally trying with all of the delays. Throughout this process we always wondered is this really going to happen. It seems like the story of our lives always worrying about something on the horizon; something that has not yet arrived. When if we just enjoy the sunset each day we might be a little happier. Because in the end time passes.

When we first received Caelyn I was up all night long. I was worried she was breathing too loud; she might be having difficulty breathing. Then as the night progressed I couldn't hear her at all so of course I was worried she wasn't breathing. In the end the morning came and she was still just as happy to have her diaper changed. The worry of her sleeping each night and staying up all night is gone because time passes.

Each day in China we had new experiences and each day new fears were resolved. I was afraid that we would not find food to eat and that I might be eating Starbucks and McDonald's everyday. However, the food was wonderful and only went to each of those restaurants once. On Caelyn's first flight I expected her to scream bloody murder for an hour straight (the extent of the flight back to Guangzhou). She was in her carrier and as soon as the wheels lifted up she was not awake again until they touched down. Of course the fear of jet lag; I prepared an Excel spreadsheet to give a five day plan to adjust her sleep schedule. The first day she went to bed at 4am and woke up at 10am. The next day she went to bed at 9pm and slept through the night only waking up once to be fed. All of the fears I started with are gone because time passes.

Now I wake up every morning to my beautiful wife and daughter. I started this process thinking that I was giving back but in the end I am just receiving another gift. We so far have struggled through the first night, the fever, the first poop poop, jet lag, vaccinations, drawling blood, the stomach flu, a cold for each member of the family; you get the point... And in the end we still have one more thing to struggle through my being away from my family each day. But of course time just continues on and each day I know to look for the one thing that will keep me smiling. Whether it is dancing with Caelyn or holding my wife I believe I will find the strength to go to work each day. Each day I will hope that Caelyn will understand that if I had a choice I would rather be with her. I hope my wife knows this as well.

First Week as an American!

Zach and I are starting to steal back some normalcy in our lives. And as such, we are much much happier. The first few days after we got home we were exhausted and felt a little "crazy." Every moment was about the baby. As a result, I have a confession to make. I went through a few moments of "post partum depression." I love to blame the hormones but if sleep deprivation causes hormonal issues...then that was it! I freaked out a little thinking I just don't think I have the stamina to keep going...for the next 18 years (I did make the distinction that it's not poopy diapers for the whole time)! What did we just sign up for again?

So by day 3 we made a point to go out at least once a day and steal back some, if not most, of the activities we used to love before the baby came along. As it turns out, Caelyn was much happier too. Sunday, while Zach and I battled the tail end of our stomach flu, my side of the family came to visit. Caelyn got to meet her grandma, grandpa, auntie, and cousin! They just adore her and she enjoyed being held by each person including her six-year-old cousin Allyson!

Since then we have walked along the Marina/beach almost every day, visited a park, eaten out twice, gone to Target, Costco, and Kinko's. Zach even went to the hot tub (I was suppose to go too and have her sleep in the stroller except she fell esleep in the bjorn while on me...and it's the first time she napped full length on either one of us so I decided to let her sleep). We also started watching our TV shows again after she goes to bed. It was nice to have some "us" time.

This is one of my all-time favorite photos. She just loves this ducky that is attached to the tub. She hugs it during bath time every night. Sometimes it looks like she's hanging on for dear life. Tonight she actually "kisses" it's beak...or about to swallow it.

We're home!!

Late Friday night we arrived in Los Angeles after a 13-hour flight. Caelyn was uncomfortable and crying a lot the first hour or so. But she slept the most of the flight. We made it through custom and immigration fairly quickly and came out to see our friends Le and Hung with flowers, welcome home balloon, and a camcorder rolling. It was so nice to be welcomed home. They also brought, per our request, a hot water dispenser so we can make bottles quickly without worrying about boiling water and using the thermos. That has already made a world of difference.

We were thrilled we didn't get sick during the trip. During the second week...a number of people in our group got sick...at different times. We thought it was food poisening but found it strange that we all ate similar things but people got sick at different times. Well, we figured it out. It's the stomach flu. Although we didn't get sick during the trip. Zach got sick shortly after we arrived home Friday night. Then I got it last night. I guess we can still say we're thrilled we didn't get sick while on the trip. But paying for it now!

Due to various circumstances Caelyn's sleeping/feeding schedule has been all over the map the last few days. To top it off, we tried to keep her up (allowing one nap) yesterday trying to get her to overcome jetlag. She did managed to stay up until 8pm last night...with a lot of work from Zach entertaining her. Remember she used to be able to sit up, balance herself if you tilt her legs upwards? Well, at 7pm last night she was in good spirits but was like a noodle. We would sit her up then she would immediately dive forward or backwards. And if you leave her there for more than one second...she would sleep.

Not sure if she's teething (Zach's theory) or has indigestion (my theory), she has been a bit more fussy. The last few nights, in particular last night, she would cry for one or two seconds every hour or so throughout the night. A few times she cried longer than one second so I got up to hold her (maybe she's scared too?). I still get the night shift therefore, needless to say, I'm exhausted.

What's puzzling to us is she was so happy and comfortable the first week and a half. We were expecting her to be scared and fussy. But instead, she's a bit more fussy now and when I set her down with her toys she's fine. As soon as I get up to walk to the kitchen or anywhere further than 5 feet...she starts to cry. It's cute. Seems like she recognizes her mama. But it's hard to get any work done. Last night I had to hold her in one arm and make formula with the other because the kitchen is too far from her play area (over 5 feet).

Overall she's still an easy baby. She was fine being in her new stroller, crib, carseat, and tried new baby foods (bananas and green beans). The green beans baby food was in the refridgerator when she was wailing for food. So I thought I let her try it thinking she would just hate the cold. She did make a face when I fed her the first bite...but a few seconds later she opened wide asking for more! We did end up warming it up in a bowl of hot water while feeding so the last few bites were at room temperature.

"My heart belongs to daddy"

Farewell Dinner



Look, there's finally an occupant!

I'm home! And I would like to gnaw on my new pink shoes! Thank you very much.

July 5-6: More Shopping and Home Bound

Today we did a lot more shopping. We had fun buying more movies, baby shoes, and baby clothes. We're generally not big shoppers so this hopefully stock us up a bit.


Tonight was the the farewell dinner party. The food was only mediocre and the party was somewhat uninteresting. Maybe because we're tired. We left early and got back to the hotel to start packing. The one thing great we should get out of the farewell party is the group picture...I'll share that when we get a copy.

This will be our last post from China. We have a busy day tomorrow finalizing some U.S. Consulate related activities. Directly from there we will head to the airport.

Zach and I honestly can say that we have had an incredibly wonderful experience here in China. We are forever grateful to this land for giving us our daughter. This is Zach's first Asia trip and I'm glad he had a great time. He got so adventurous he even tried Durian ice cream today and he didn't gag. Progress I tell you is a good thing.

We want to thank all of you who have been following our journey and sending us your thoughts/comments/well wishes (so I don't feel like I'm talking to the wind). Our journey has been made extra special because we feel like we haven't traveled alone. You have been with us every step.

See you soon on the other side of the world. Good night.

July 4: Electronic and Fabric District

This week we have done very little cultural activities besides the temple visit. There are a lot more shopping. Today we went to the electronic and fabric districts. We bought lots of movies and I have a Chinese traditional shirt custom made for the farewell party tomorrow. We got Caelyn a couple Chinese traditional outfits, one of which she will wear to the farewell dinner tomorrow night.

Yes, farewell dinner. Our time in China is fast coming to a close. We will be bringing Caelyn home with us to the States and I think that's when it will really hit us that we now have a little daughter.

Here are some photos of the day.

July 3: Relaxing day

Between feedings, changing diapers, playing, and bathing Caelyn...we really have little time for much else. And she's one of the easiest going babies in the group. So we can't imagine dealing with a more fussy baby. Today we walked about 2 miles to the supermarket to load up on supplies and then went to a local store to buy her a chinese outfit for the farewell party on Thursday night. We were tired! We even skipped the boat cruise dinner excursion. I really wanted to go but we all needed the rest and ultimately sleep prevailed.

Guangzhou's experience has been positive but no where near magical as our experience in Jiangxi. We are not home sick but we are looking forward to getting home soon and start our "real" life together. A small part of me is apprehensive of the after-China days. Ever since we have Caelyn we have existed as a family only in this "perfectly baby-centered" cocoon. Everything and everywhere we go or do have been planned around the babies. All the families are helping and supporting one another. All the meals are planned and we have the China team who are there for our every need. When we get home...it would just be Zach and I. Then after 2 weeks...it would just be me. Yes, it scares me a little.

The good news is we are getting more comfortable being parents. And we feel like we know our Caelyn much much better. And we just couldn't be more grateful to Caelyn's good nature. Her good nature has made all the difference in our experience in China.

July 2: Medical Check Up & Pizza Party

It is required by U.S. immigration that all the kids get a medical exam prior to getting permission to enter the country. The kids didn’t seem to like it…the crying was a 5.1 surround sound experience.

Since the medical clinic is located on Shamian Island (in Guangzhou…where the famous White Swan Hotel is located), we also had an hour to shop. Shamian Island is apparantly a famous shopping district. There was one shop called, "A Gift from China" that we bought a lot from. They donate all their profit to orphanages. And the products are all handmade, many by the older orphans who are getting trained to have a trade in embroidery or sewing. The store was very quaint and their stuff very very nice. A lot of the families just loaded up and walked out in bags.

For dinner, our China team threw us a pizza party. Since every meal has been Chinese food...this is meant to give our taste buds a break. At the party, the walls are covered with photos of previous adoption groups and their outings/parties. Some of the pictures are quite a few years old...but same stories. Families are made completed by a new baby. Babies are made happy by finding loving homes to call their own. What a match made in heaven. Well, maybe I should say "What a match made in China!"

July 1: Blessed Babies

Today all the babies are getting blessed at the temple. This is our first day back in Guangzhou. We missed Jiangxi. But we are also happy to be reunited with the rest of the families who had stayed in Guangzhou all last week. We started the day at the buffet breakfast. One by one we met up with all these families we haven't seen in a week. Last time we saw them they didn't have their babies yet. So we all walked around greeting each other and meeting each other's kids. The kids in Guangzhou were between one to two years old. They took a little longer to get adjusted. The babies from Jiangxi were better adjusted because most of them were younger than one. In fact 5 out of 6 were 8 months old and were all born within one week from each other!

The food in Guangzhou is less spicy than Jiangxi but equally delicious. The food certainly has been one of the highlights of this trip.







Blessing Ceremony

Caelyn in Action

Cribs are over-rated


Tickle me Caelyn



My favorite Toy

June 30: Pavilian and depart to Guangzhou

This is the largest Pavilian in all of China. It is walking distance from our hotel and since our flight back to Guangzhou was in the evening, we had a little time to visit this very lovely place. We just recieved Caelyn's Chinese visa and passport last night so she is able to fly. From China's perspective, Caelyn is ours and we can leave China with her. Going back to Guangzhou we will be doing the paperwork for the U.S. Consulate (so from U.S.'s perspective, Caelyn will become a citizen as soon as we land in America).

The last week has gone by in a flash. We came to China with the notion as long as we don't get sick and have Caelyn in our arms...we don't care about anything else. But we have experienced far more than we could ever dreamt of. We have been moved and inspired by this beautiful province that had given us our daughter. Today is particularly momentous. It is the first time our little girl will leave the land in which she was born and lived all her little life. She will be flying for the first time. It was bitter-sweet as we said farewell to our guide whom we adore and this beautiful place and experience.

Double click to enlarge each photo.

June 29: Art Museum - Chinese painter 八大山人

Toaism and Zen Buddisim orginated in Caelyn's home province Jiangxi. Today we visited a famous Chinese painter's museum/home. It was built in 653 AD. This painter was a prince of the Ming dynasty shortly after it has fallen and taken over by the Tang dynasty. He resisted the new emperor and retreated himself to this monastery and became a monk. He devoted all his years to painting, studying literature and meditation. His paintings all have themes of struggle, fear, and resistance.

Caelyn continues to do well. She's so easy going...she rarely cries and certainly when she does, it's only for a short period. Like seconds.

We also visited a porcelain store. Most famous porcelain in China can be found in Jiangxi.