Many recent casual conversations have caused me to ponder more about the meaning of adoption. I’ve been immersed in this process for almost two years and every now and then it helps to look at life like through “fresh” lenses. We have so many friends (online and offline) that are adopting or have adopted that we forget adoption is still….....a road less traveled.
For some reason it was easier for Zach and me to warm up to the idea of adoption than most folks we have encountered. Perhaps it is because our family and friends are so supportive or perhaps it was somehow meant to be…....back when we were just pimpled teens we talked about spending forever together. Then it wasn’t long before we daydreamt about little Zach, little Amy, and little Caelyn. Yes, we thought someday we would like to adopt a baby from China, in addtion to having biological children, preferably when we were all grown up, married, and pimples cleared. And to be honest, we didn’t know then her name was to be Caelyn.
Even with that notion there were still many questions when it was truly time to put our dreams into action. How hard will this process be? Am I ok with not having a genetic connection to my child? Will she love me? Will she resist me when she grows up? Will the neighbors talk? Will she be healthy? How much will this process cost? What if a bond is not created? And so on and so forth.
After much soul searching…...more questions emerged…...Could this be our chance to do something extraordinary? We most likely will be able to provide this child with more opportunities and love than she otherwise would have, right? Isn’t the earth over populated…wouldn’t this be a great way to express how much we care about our environment? Isn’t the deepest and truest form of love all encompassing? Wouldn’t this be one of the greatest personal growth opportunities…...to find a higher self? Isn’t parenting more important than just giving birth? Wouldn’t this put a smile on God’s face?
The questions kept rolling out and each one was more inspiring than the last. We did not have to go far for answers. They were already there in our hearts.
Zach and I were surprised how united our hearts and spirits were in this pursuit. We never wavered or doubted our decision. We got frustrated, sad, angry, and catatonic because the wait got so long but no, we never wavered. She’s not even here yet but we have already grown a little…...a bit more courageous, a tat more patient, and tons more compassionate than we were before. Don’t get me wrong…....we still have a ways to go…...on this road less traveled.
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I was reminded of something I've seen on the sides of buses from the National Fatherhood Initiative:
"Anyone can be a father, but it takes a man to be dad."
Zach and Amy,
As long as I've known you both, you have always been compassionate, kind, thoughtful and patient. I can only imagine the love you two will be giving Caelyn like you've shown your friends. I truly believe it is meant to be for extraordinary people to walk this "less traveled road" and you two are one of them.
As a guy, I am required by the man's code to answer all questions posed by women, especially when the questions are rhetorical or soul-searching.
How hard will this process be?
Harder than anything thus far (just guessing, can't speak from experience)
Am I ok with not having a genetic connection to my child?
I can't answer for you, but being a parent is far more important than the DNA inheritance
Will she love me? Will she resist me when she grows up?
Yes and yes. We'll commiserate when we both have teenagers and they tell us that they hate us.
Will the neighbors talk?
Yes--they will talk about what a cute little girl she is.
Will she be healthy?
So far we know that she's not starving and we're looking forward to hearing more.
How much will this process cost?
That will depend on how many times Zach has to renew his passport.
What if a bond is not created?
Too late; we've already bonded with Caelyn so you're just going to have to deal.
Could this be our chance to do something extraordinary?
Yes.
We most likely will be able to provide this child with more opportunities and love than she otherwise would have, right?
Yes.
Isn’t the earth over populated…wouldn’t this be a great way to express how much we care about our environment?
Nah; she'd make trash here or there. As a future American her trash making potential has probably gone up almost to the amount of a native Californian.
Isn’t the deepest and truest form of love all encompassing?
Yes.
Wouldn’t this be one of the greatest personal growth opportunities…...to find a higher self?
Yes.
Isn’t parenting more important than just giving birth?
Yes. See last post regarding insightful bus advertising.
Wouldn’t this put a smile on God’s face?
God is smiling already.
Christian C Sorensen You are quite a butthead.
I look forward to God's smile getting even wider when you take the next step of this road less traveled and go to meet your daughter.
beautiful
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