Mommy's New Role

Recently a significant and important decision was made in this household. We decided for me to stay at home with our daughter for the near future. I'm thrilled to take on this new role. It is very different and sometimes intimidating as it is a very unchartered territory. I told Zach I take it very seriously as I do with any jobs I've ever held outside the home.

So what have we been up to lately?? I have learned to cook...actual meals that even I enjoy eating. We attend two Mommy & Me classes each week that included singing, reading, toys/activities for the children and topic discussions for the mommies. We attend storytime each week at the local library. And we've even been to a Mommy & Me movie! I think we're going to try out My Gym or Gymborie and music class next. Caelyn has a handful of "firsts" this past few weeks. It is beyond words how much fun we are having and how head-over-heals in love we are with our little princess. Here's a taste:

* gives a hug upon request

* waves hello and goodbye

* crawls up to her chair, climb in, twist, and sit herself down

* gives you her sock upon request

* sticks her hand up for high-five and sticks her hand out for low-five

* cruise along furniture, coffee table and anything else she can hold

* says "oh-uh" when something is dropped or rolled under the couch

* took her first three steps by herself!! We were in a room full of family and friends but only Zach and I saw it. We looked at each other and our jaws dropped!

Humble Beginnings the Birthday Speech

Honey today is your birthday. Today all of these people who are around you are our friends; they are also your new friends. You have come a tremendous distance in just one year. From a basket wrapped tight in blankets to family that will sacrifice everything so you will never want for anything.

Your journey to us began a year ago today. We know precious little of what happened that day but the journey that you started that day is similar to that of many others, though each is unique in its own way. With what we don’t know of life I always like to fill the blanks with fiction to paint a beautiful picture of what ifs and I wanted to do that today for all of those present.

It was a cool morning and the cries of a newborn emanated from the room. Meihui was in tears and all who were present assumed that it was the result of a difficult labor. But Minzhe knew that though she had been strong all these months knowing that they were doing what was best for their child her strength was now failing. She held her baby girl briefly and whispered in her ears “Always be strong, little piglet, and you will always find your way.”

Minzhe took their baby girl and wrapped her in blankets to keep her warm in the cool morning air. He wrote on a small piece of paper her date of birth and pinned the paper to her blankets. His cousin drove him into town where they found a nice looking house that as they passed by the lights turned on. Minzhe told his cousin to stop and he slowly opened the door to the truck not wanting to wake the baby by the squeak of the door.

He walked up to the door and quietly laid the basket in front of the door. He calmly walked back to the car with a tear streaming down his face. His cousin drove the car around the corner and Minzhe got out of the car once again and stood at the corner and waited. A short while later his baby girl began to cry; whether from hunger or loss her cries echoed down the street. Just when Minzhe thought he could handle no more and was about to run to her the door opened.

An elderly lady opened the door and looked down to see the crying baby. She looked in both directions to see if anyone was around but other than a flutter out of the corner of the eye nothing was stirring. She quickly picked up the basked and carried the baby into the house. She wasn’t born yesterday so of course she heard of people abandoning children but this was the first she had seen. She calmly got dressed and carried the basket tight in her arms to the Yugan County police office.

Pengfei was just pouring his tea when Liling walked in the door. He quickly noticed the basket in her arms and knew that meant that his tea would have to wait. In his short few years with the police department he had walked the path to the orphanage many times. The baby was crying an unbelievable amount and all he could think about was that he wished he was back in his office with his hot tea.

When they arrived at the orphanage Xiaolian was outside enjoying the sunrise. It had been a long morning with diaper changes, feedings, and just generally unhappy children. When she saw Liling and Pengfei walking her way she knew her break was over. She stood up and came over. She invited them into the orphanage where they quickly took the baby in and got her diaper changed and fed her. Xiaolian, cradled her in her arms and sung to her as she slowly fell asleep.

Caelyn, a year ago today you were born. We don’t know much of that day but we do know you are now here with us, your Ma Ma and Da Da. We hope that your first day will have been the only difficult day in your life. And that everyday from that point on you will find joy and happiness. Your mother and I promise we will always be here with you, that not a day will go by that we won’t tell you how much we love you, and that we will do everything we can to make your dreams come true. I love you my little baby girl, Happy Birthday, make a wish and blow out your candles.

The Balancing Act

I recently went on my first business trip away from my ladies. It was only one short night away but while I waiting at the gate I just couldn't figure out what I was doing there. I have already missed several milestones and I was overcome by sadness. I even had the thought of just leaving the terminal and heading back to my car and going home. Instead I put on my headset fought back the tears and got on the plane.

Since I have been at work I have missed watching her crawling for the first time, I missed watching her learn to pull herself up without assistance, and I missed her learning not only to drink from a sippy cup but understanding her mother's request to drink from the sippy cup. What else would I miss while I was gone?

Every night I am sitting in the office at 7pm anxiously trying to wrap up what I am doing so I could go home. I used to always stay with my team until we achieved our nights goals. Now in the middle of busy season my team is sacrificing so much of their time while I am running out to try to get to my family. Some might think a 10 hour is a long day but in my job that used to be a light day. I just feel that I should be doing more to help them get to see their families too. But if I give more I am taking more from others.

Of course the struggle is balance. Though nowadays the idea of balance just seems like a fairy tale. The real goal seems to be tolerance. You just hang in there and believe in your vision, in your dream. I might have missed some firsts but I still got to see the seconds. I might feel guilty for leaving before my team but while I am there I do everything possible to make their jobs easier.In the end we do our best and sometimes that is all we can do.

I got back from my long one night trip away and Caelyn crawled across the floor with a big smile; maybe she just thought I had food. But either way my heart leapt and I learned being away means coming home is always special.

I might have a lot of struggles but I wouldn't want it any other way; my wife and daughter are worth it.

A Fictional Short Story of What May Come...

The Carousel

By Zachary Salzmann

After the long night at the Boardwalk we were finally walking to the car hand in hand as a family. The sun was dropping below the horizon and the lights on the rides were slowly turning on filling the void the sun left behind. Between the roaring of the coasters and the high pitched screams of the kids as the rides spun them around you couldn’t even hear the waves crash nearby.

Amy and I were tired from a long day that started before the sun rose. I used to think that only the morning alarm on a work day would be evil enough to stir us from our slumber. As it turns out children are just as merciless. The room was silent except the quiet chirping of the birds out on the trees infront of the window; of course I didn’t hear them because I was asleep. The door to our bedroom creaked open and had we been awake we would have heard the soft sound of our daughters giggles. Before we knew it little feet were bounding all over us and the bed moved like it was a water bed. I always thought Isabel was going to be the sweet child but apparently our eldest daughter had other plans.

Amy calmly rolled out of bed and wandered into the kitchen to make coffee, she had long since given up trying to sleep in when our Courage and Inspiration were awake. She also learned that I encouraged this behavior because I still had a little kid in me that loved to jump on the bed and have pillow fights with my girls.

As we were slowly walking out of the park Caelyn’s eyes were captivated by a beautiful Carousel, something was just magical about it. During the day we hardly noticed it but with the lights, the colors, and the reflections of the mirrors it just captured the imagination.

“Daddy, Daddy just one more ride before we go home.” As usually just like wild animals they always attack the easy prey. Isabel was quick to pick up the chant. But I learned long ago to fear making decisions. If I was too soft Amy always questioned my ability to exert authority. To which I always replied “What authority, there are three ladies in the house what chance do I have to exert any influence.” Both of my girls jumped on either side hugging me screaming what they knew would melt my heart not necessarily because they meant it more because they knew I would concede. “Daddy, we love you” but of course with the added “Please, Please, Please…”

My eyes moved to Amy, with my guilty look not wanting to say no, I knew it was late and we had a long drive home. The girls were quick to realize that they had me but that was not enough so they moved on to the next target, Mommy. But before they could even begin pleading She jumped right in “okay you can go on just one more ride but I don’t want to hear any excuse when it comes to homework tomorrow.”

Before I even had tickets in hand Caelyn and Isabel were already running for the line. Isabel was still a little young so I tried to help her onto the horse. For all my kindness my little one offered me the evil eye. which was so cute on a six year old. “Daddy I am a big girl I don’t need any help.” So I stepped aside and watched her plant her hand on the saddle as the horn was slightly out of her reach. She put her left foot in the stir up and swung her leg over the saddle. As always the Salzmann ladies proved the Salzmann man wrong.

I stood in between my little girls as they rode their graceful white stallions and I held onto the lady that during her younger years captured a young boy’s heart. The carousel went around and around and everything was forgotten but the here and now. The music, the smiles of my baby girls, and the warmth of my wife close to me; dreams could never match my reality.

The years have past and my baby girls have grown up but they will always be my baby girls. Amy and I spend our evenings sitting on our dock on the Flathead every night watching the sun set. Each sunset seems more beautiful than the last. My dream from early on was finally realized. We finally escaped the hustle and bustle of Los Angeles and now we live a quiet and peaceful life in Montana.

Every night I dream of the day back on the Boardwalk. In my younger years I always longed to leave the city. But whether it was buying the house with a backyard or saving money for the college tuition we always stayed in Los Angeles. I feel like I am just now realizing now that my dreams have been realized is that the real thing I should have been dreaming for is each day. Each day offers us something that we hope we will never forget; nights on the Carousel as it takes us around and around.

Thank you Randa for your extravagant gift!!!

Another Sleepless Night...

Periodically whether it has been the stress of the office or the marvel of the little angel sleeping in my bedroom I just haven't been able to fall asleep. Yes, of course that carries with it the awful consequence that I am also just not able to wake up in the morning. Several of the nights I have found myself surfing the web planning for the next adoption. Musing since China is slowing down maybe Vietnam is the next most logical answer. Of course during the mornings when I mention to Amy that I was looking into adopting our second she thinks I am insane.

I came home tonight and Amy had a crazy look in her eyes and all she had to say is "she really did not nap much again today we need to figure out how to child proof her play area." What Amy was talking about is just yesterday our little angel began crawling in earnest. As a result of our angel's new found talent Amy has to keep a constant eye on her. Now those shoes across the room and the coasters on the coffee table are all fair play. It is as if Caelyn was waiting for the moment to get her hands on things unsupervised. It was as if she was looking at everything and planning. "Okay the book shelf is over there. That big guy who hangs around periodically carelessly leaves the nail clippers on the shelf when I can crawl those will be mine." Look at those eyes can't you see her plotting?

Of course it is easy enough for me to want to adopt the second all I need to do is have enough energy left when I come home from work to entertain her for a couple of hours. Really that means I lay flat on the ground and she crawls on me. Or bounce balls on my head, she seems to like watching things bounce off of my head. Tonight she upped the antie; she head butted me. No, don't worry she was fine it is me you should be asking about she almost split my lip. She didn't even apologize, I guess I need to wait a couple of years for that. At least she didn't clap her hands or stick her tongue out (her other talents) though the comedic timing would have been perfect.

Tonight, I was looking through all the pictures we accumulated. Most of these pictures help to get me through the days I am away from my family in the office. I am just amazed at how fast time has past. China is a distant memory but the long wait for Caelyn is still close in memory oddly mixed with the disbelief that she is currently in her crib in our house. Maybe I should be sleeping at this hour as opposed to reminiscing there will be plenty of time to do that tomorrow morning.

But as much time as I spend thinking about time passed I spend thinking about the future. I think alot about the our best friends who will welcome thier new born in just a few weeks and others in several months. I think of those who traveled with us whether to China or Montana. I always look forward to the time we will be together again.



Listening to relationship stories I always marvel at how similar the stories may be; "my husband will

drive for hours instead of just pulling over and asking for directions." So far parenting stories seem to be the same. We are just grateful that we have our friends to share this journey with both those wiating for their "little bosses" to enter their lives and those that just can't seem to sleep the way they used to.

P.S. Yes, I know she is a little girl but I picked out the baseball outfit and a lot of Nike attire to get her prepared. Daddy has plans she is going to play for the Women's National Soccer Team. Good Luck USA!!! (the World Cup starts 2:00am on Tuesday.)

P.S.S. We decided to re-open our blog because the few people that do read it really were sad to see us go. And our friend Erika made a good suggestion...we don't have to update very frequently but once in a long while is still good.

Farewell and Good Night

We think it is time for us to say goodbye to our blog readers. We thank you for taking the time to follow our journey and offered your love and support. Our experience would not have been nearly as full and wonderful without you. We hope you have enjoyed yourselves too.

We have been blessed with this unique experience in family building. We would not have wanted it any other way. The wait and the cost were more than worthwhile when we see the smile on our Caelyn's face. She fills our heart like no other and we love her more than words can express. Today, tomorrow, always.

For future updates, we will have Holiday letters and pictures. But most importantly, we hope to have lots of visits, playdates, and gatherings so she can interact with you in person!

Hugs and Kisses,
Zach, Amy & Caelyn

Big Sky

Zach fell head over heels in love with the big sky when we visited Montana a couple years ago. It was a rare opportunity. Living the fast pace, often stressful, lives...the open air just melts the tension away. When we got invited back this year we couldn't say yes fast enough!
This trip is extra special because we're traveling with our best buddies, Christian and Laura, who also became first time parents in June. And this trip offered the first opportunity for us to meet each other's new addition...so imagine the excitement upon landing at the airport. Our flights landed within 1/2 hour of each other.



Montana is home to Laura's family. We were invited to enjoy a few days in Moose City where her family owns shares of these wonderful cabins. Moose City is just a few steps away from the Canadian border situated along a gorgous river very similiar to the river in the movie The River Runs Through It (you can see our very own bratt pitt fly fishing in photo here). The other side of the river is Glacier Park. Moose City has year round population of 25. Yes, 25. Each family has their own small cabin for sleeping and during the day we gathered at the main cabin for cooking and hanging out. One day we made our way to Bowman Lake Glacier Park for a picnic and stopped off later for Elk burgers.

The babies did great during the whole trip! Everytime Caelyn gets into her stroller for a walk in the real grassland meadow (unlike the one I painted in her room), she immediately falls esleep...even after she's taken a nap! We played Bachi ball in the grass while she tagged along in her stroller inside a misquito netting.

After 4 days in Moose City we said good bye to the grassland and headed towards Big Fork. In Big Fork we enjoyed 4 more days of fun and relaxation at Laura's family's lake house. The water is usually warm enough to just jump in for a splash. However during our stay the wind had turned the water at the bottom of lake so it was a bit too cold for Caelyn (or me, but not daddy) to go in. She only dipped her tippy toe in and collected a rock. She enjoyed sitting by the dock looking at the sunset with mommy and daddy. For a couple of nights we got a ride in the family's motor boat around the lake while the babies fell espleep.

The trip was amazing...almost as amazing as our babies!

Quick Stats Updates!

We apologize for not posting for so long...life with baby just got in the way. Much much has happened over the last month since we have been home. A few quick updates on Caelyn:

• Had her wellness doctor visit and follow up. All checked out perfectly including her shots. At 9 month she weighs 20.5 pounds (73rd percentile); measures 27.75 inches long (48th percentile); head circumference measures at 17.75 (77th percentile)
  
• First tooth peaked through for 2 weeks now. No teething issues we have noticed yet


• We started teaching her last week to say "mum mum" when she wants food. This week she got it!! Turns out most of the time she fusses...it's because she wants "mum mum" and we haven't been giving her enough!


• She started to sleep through the night 3 weeks ago for 9 hours straight (with occasion discomfort cry in between but no feeding needed); she naps 3 times a day approximately one hour each.
  
• she now can feed herself cheerios fistful at a time
  
• Blows rasberries when she wants attention or express her dissatisfaction (like towards a food or if we put her in the stroller/carseat/highchair and she doesn't like it)
  
• Her attachment is developing very well. Her favorite person is mommy followed by daddy (although the first couple of days after daddy went to work Caelyn "forgot" who daddy was...and cried when daddy holds her without mommy around)
  

Daddy's Last Day on Adoptive Parent Leave

It has been an overwhelmingly emotional experience. Two years ago Amy and I finally gave up on the doctors and decided to adopt. It was a very exciting decision for me. I always felt it was my responsibility to offer back for all of the gifts I received in my life ( a wonderful wife, an amazing family, and the best of friends.) But I always thought I would have a baby with my own eyes and the opportunity to adopt would never present itself. Yes, right now is a time of reflection my month off of work is ending. I am going to have to leave my daughter and wife every morning. It would be an easy decision to never work again.

The process was long and emotionally trying with all of the delays. Throughout this process we always wondered is this really going to happen. It seems like the story of our lives always worrying about something on the horizon; something that has not yet arrived. When if we just enjoy the sunset each day we might be a little happier. Because in the end time passes.

When we first received Caelyn I was up all night long. I was worried she was breathing too loud; she might be having difficulty breathing. Then as the night progressed I couldn't hear her at all so of course I was worried she wasn't breathing. In the end the morning came and she was still just as happy to have her diaper changed. The worry of her sleeping each night and staying up all night is gone because time passes.

Each day in China we had new experiences and each day new fears were resolved. I was afraid that we would not find food to eat and that I might be eating Starbucks and McDonald's everyday. However, the food was wonderful and only went to each of those restaurants once. On Caelyn's first flight I expected her to scream bloody murder for an hour straight (the extent of the flight back to Guangzhou). She was in her carrier and as soon as the wheels lifted up she was not awake again until they touched down. Of course the fear of jet lag; I prepared an Excel spreadsheet to give a five day plan to adjust her sleep schedule. The first day she went to bed at 4am and woke up at 10am. The next day she went to bed at 9pm and slept through the night only waking up once to be fed. All of the fears I started with are gone because time passes.

Now I wake up every morning to my beautiful wife and daughter. I started this process thinking that I was giving back but in the end I am just receiving another gift. We so far have struggled through the first night, the fever, the first poop poop, jet lag, vaccinations, drawling blood, the stomach flu, a cold for each member of the family; you get the point... And in the end we still have one more thing to struggle through my being away from my family each day. But of course time just continues on and each day I know to look for the one thing that will keep me smiling. Whether it is dancing with Caelyn or holding my wife I believe I will find the strength to go to work each day. Each day I will hope that Caelyn will understand that if I had a choice I would rather be with her. I hope my wife knows this as well.

First Week as an American!

Zach and I are starting to steal back some normalcy in our lives. And as such, we are much much happier. The first few days after we got home we were exhausted and felt a little "crazy." Every moment was about the baby. As a result, I have a confession to make. I went through a few moments of "post partum depression." I love to blame the hormones but if sleep deprivation causes hormonal issues...then that was it! I freaked out a little thinking I just don't think I have the stamina to keep going...for the next 18 years (I did make the distinction that it's not poopy diapers for the whole time)! What did we just sign up for again?

So by day 3 we made a point to go out at least once a day and steal back some, if not most, of the activities we used to love before the baby came along. As it turns out, Caelyn was much happier too. Sunday, while Zach and I battled the tail end of our stomach flu, my side of the family came to visit. Caelyn got to meet her grandma, grandpa, auntie, and cousin! They just adore her and she enjoyed being held by each person including her six-year-old cousin Allyson!

Since then we have walked along the Marina/beach almost every day, visited a park, eaten out twice, gone to Target, Costco, and Kinko's. Zach even went to the hot tub (I was suppose to go too and have her sleep in the stroller except she fell esleep in the bjorn while on me...and it's the first time she napped full length on either one of us so I decided to let her sleep). We also started watching our TV shows again after she goes to bed. It was nice to have some "us" time.

This is one of my all-time favorite photos. She just loves this ducky that is attached to the tub. She hugs it during bath time every night. Sometimes it looks like she's hanging on for dear life. Tonight she actually "kisses" it's beak...or about to swallow it.

We're home!!

Late Friday night we arrived in Los Angeles after a 13-hour flight. Caelyn was uncomfortable and crying a lot the first hour or so. But she slept the most of the flight. We made it through custom and immigration fairly quickly and came out to see our friends Le and Hung with flowers, welcome home balloon, and a camcorder rolling. It was so nice to be welcomed home. They also brought, per our request, a hot water dispenser so we can make bottles quickly without worrying about boiling water and using the thermos. That has already made a world of difference.

We were thrilled we didn't get sick during the trip. During the second week...a number of people in our group got sick...at different times. We thought it was food poisening but found it strange that we all ate similar things but people got sick at different times. Well, we figured it out. It's the stomach flu. Although we didn't get sick during the trip. Zach got sick shortly after we arrived home Friday night. Then I got it last night. I guess we can still say we're thrilled we didn't get sick while on the trip. But paying for it now!

Due to various circumstances Caelyn's sleeping/feeding schedule has been all over the map the last few days. To top it off, we tried to keep her up (allowing one nap) yesterday trying to get her to overcome jetlag. She did managed to stay up until 8pm last night...with a lot of work from Zach entertaining her. Remember she used to be able to sit up, balance herself if you tilt her legs upwards? Well, at 7pm last night she was in good spirits but was like a noodle. We would sit her up then she would immediately dive forward or backwards. And if you leave her there for more than one second...she would sleep.

Not sure if she's teething (Zach's theory) or has indigestion (my theory), she has been a bit more fussy. The last few nights, in particular last night, she would cry for one or two seconds every hour or so throughout the night. A few times she cried longer than one second so I got up to hold her (maybe she's scared too?). I still get the night shift therefore, needless to say, I'm exhausted.

What's puzzling to us is she was so happy and comfortable the first week and a half. We were expecting her to be scared and fussy. But instead, she's a bit more fussy now and when I set her down with her toys she's fine. As soon as I get up to walk to the kitchen or anywhere further than 5 feet...she starts to cry. It's cute. Seems like she recognizes her mama. But it's hard to get any work done. Last night I had to hold her in one arm and make formula with the other because the kitchen is too far from her play area (over 5 feet).

Overall she's still an easy baby. She was fine being in her new stroller, crib, carseat, and tried new baby foods (bananas and green beans). The green beans baby food was in the refridgerator when she was wailing for food. So I thought I let her try it thinking she would just hate the cold. She did make a face when I fed her the first bite...but a few seconds later she opened wide asking for more! We did end up warming it up in a bowl of hot water while feeding so the last few bites were at room temperature.

"My heart belongs to daddy"

Farewell Dinner



Look, there's finally an occupant!

I'm home! And I would like to gnaw on my new pink shoes! Thank you very much.